Arnold's Doggie Guide to Biped Dinner Parties

First it starts with a shopping expedition and this time of year, that means I'm left at home - some excuse about being too hot in the car. If I'm lucky I get a treat when the biped gets home, my puppy dog eyes pleading and a bit of moping gets me extras.

Then, usually, the blue monster is retrieved from the hallway closet. I love to chase and bite the end that sucks stuff up but for some reason the bipeds don't appreciate it. The long duster is also quite fun, especially if the biped decides to play with me and try and tickle me with it.

My most favorite part has to be the cooking. I make sure that I take up the best position in the drop zone to get maximum food potential. The biped is always positioned near the end of the kitchen island, so I pretend to cuddle her feet - yes friends, you do have to stoop that low if you want any chance of morsels.
Once the guests arrive it's time to pull out all stops and use those tried and true techniques. It certainly works more effectively on Doggie bipeds because they realize how smart I really am. My plan starts with the "Meet and Greet" where I rush to the door when they arrive - there's nothing better that being greeted with an adorable Jack Russell who hangs on your every word.

The next phase starts once the drinks and nibbles have been doled out. This most certainly works best in informal settings, especially outside. I usually find the biped visitor who appreciates me the most and smooch next to them. If I'm not getting the level of attention I need (read: being feed a snack) I sit on beg - I hear you, begging is not nice but you have to do what you have to do. By this stage I've worked the crowd enough so that when the main food event starts everyone shares with me.

Well, I hope I've given you guys some pointers. The only other piece of advice I can give you is practice, practice, practice. Gotta go - bipeds are going into the kitchen!